NFL Predictions Almost Certain to be Wrong Part I

After analyzing some of the flurry of post-lockout trades (usually consisting of such genius analysis as "God, Philadelphia's trades are BRILLIANT!), and watching and reading ESPN and ESPN.com a whole lot, I feel that I am as qualified as anyone of the talking heads to make NFL predictions.  So, I will start with part one of X (X=however many of these I feel like doing before I get bored or the season starts) of my NFL Predictions Almost Certain to be Wrong.

Part one of X takes us to the NFC West.  The NFC West (Arizona, San Francisco, Seattle, and St. Louis) is the worst division in sports.  Forget worst division in football, SPORTS.  Not even the NCAA Football cellar dweller conference, The Sun Belt, had a conference (in this case division) winner with a sub-500 winning percentage.  Seattle went to the playoffs with a 7-9 record.  As a division winner.  This wasn't some league wide crappy season where a wild card squeaked in at 8-8, this was a division winner coming in two games below 500.

It ain't getting better.  Arizona and Seattle got new QB's this season and St. Louis is still the only team in the division that has one.  Seattle looks to start Tavaris Jackson, the former Viking who lost his job to the reanimated corpse of Brett Favre.  Arizona went out and got Kevin Kolb, the "Quarterback of the Future" for Philly, who lost his job to a convicted felon.  San Francisco's starter is the quarterback with the most experience but suffers from a unique condition known as Being Alex Smith (BAS).  That leaves St. Louis' second year quarterback, Sam Bradford as the one quarterback in this division.  If St. Louis would have won the final game of the season (against Seattle), this division would have sent an 8-8 winner to the playoffs instead of the laughingstock 7-9, Seattle's playoff upset of New Orleans not withstanding.

Prediction:  Bradford lead the Rams to the division crown with a 9-7 record. They start really roughly with three straight losses (they open the season against the new-look Philly, an experienced Giants team, and the defensive gods that are the Baltimore Ravens).  The second half of the season, they'll rattle off wins against the rest of the division.

Seattle will put up a good fight, but without standout quarterback, they won't do as "well" as they did last year.  Last year's quarterback, Matt Hasslebeck, is now a Titan.  The offense didn't have a rusher run for more than 600 yards.  No offense means no scoring.  None of these teams has a very good defense.  Seattle goes 5-11.

San Francisco has a new head coach.  They have the same old quarterback and an offensive weapon (Frank Gore) who can't stay healthy (4 IR trips in the last 4 seasons).  They'll put up a fight against Seattle, but so would most of the Pac-12.  They go 6-10.

Arizona has someone else's backup quarterback starting.  Matt Leinart is gone (Texans) and now they have Kevin Kolb formerly of Philadelphia.  The Cardinals have a great receiver (note the singular), a running back who must have signed an endorsement with Butterfinger, and a defense like cheese cloth.  They tried the "sign someone else's castaway" approach with running backs years ago and wound up with a washed up Emmitt Smith and an equally washed up Edgerrin James.  They're trying this strategy with quarterbacks now.  Three years ago, it paid off and Father Time Kurt Warner led them to a Super Bowl.  I wonder if they've got Favre on speed dial.  They'll go 4-12.

Write those down.  At the end of the season, you can send me e-mails and comments telling me how little I know about NFL football, I'll almost guarantee it.