Angry Rant Time, folks!
Sports will resume Wednesday.
I've decided to share my angry thoughts.
First up, and this could actually be a sport of sorts, the Westboro Baptist Assholes.
Who made these stupid bigoted fuckers spokespeople for God or Christianity? Do us a favor, you yapping ass hats, strap a dynamite corset on and go blow your idiotic self up like the other religious extremists, and since you don't want to be lumped in with the terrorists (when that's exactly what you are), do it in an area where you won't hurt anyone else. Do it now. Do it all together, your whole bigoted family. It will be a new take on the family fireworks show. The fact that you picket any and every possible funeral is just a cry for attention for yourself. The fact that you use the Bible as an excuse shows that you are only into religion for the power over others. You don't have any power over anything. You are sad, pathetic, little people who are so impotent that you have to take out your frustrations on the misery of others. You are even hypocrites using iPhones to tweet that you are going to picket Steve Jobs' funeral. Then claiming that God invented the iPhone. Jobs did more to better humanity than you fuckermentalists will ever do to improve any aspect of society, at least until you die. Then society will improve, we'll have at least one less loud-mouthed, hate-spewing, self-righteous-but-really-morally-bankrupt, walking groin pull. And then we can picket your funerals. I fully intend to piss on your graves. All of them. Repeatedly. After eating nothing but asparagus for weeks. Here's your sport of sorts: Westboro Baptist Skeet Shooting. Honestly, it is only a matter of time until someone decides enough is enough and turns these Bible-sniffing fuck monkeys into a shooting range. If I had better eyesight and any sense of depth perception, I'd be on my way to Kansas right now.
Next up, greedy billionaires claiming that we are somehow in class warfare right now. Let's prove them right! Someone dust off the guillotines, light the torches, and sharpen the pitchforks. Let's storm the modern day Bastilles! Pull these rich pork fuckers out of their million dollar townhouses and execute them one by one. We can put them in the same room as the Westboro Fireworks Show and let them all go up in one big cablooey! Then we can roast pork products over the fat pork ashes. Let's get the bankers who gave themselves bonuses with our tax money. Let's get the Wall Street assholes who made money off misery. Let's get CEO and major shareholders who bemoan only having six-figure incomes after taxes (not including all the shit under the table) while their employees are skimping and deciding whether they should put food on the table or pay for little Jenny's braces so she can actually eat the food they can afford. Let's get all the politicians. I don't care if they're red, blue, or neon pink. Set them all on fire and see if it burns purple. They want to call this class warfare, let's give them class warfare. Massive overhauls for the entire government and capitalist system. Politicians claim that we shouldn't have to make the wealthiest contribute more. They say that they will do it on their own. In the first part, they are absolutely correct. We shouldn't have to. The problem is that in the second part they are wrong. They won't do it on their own. Exhibit A: Enron, the greedy fuckers who fucked clients, and then their own employees and investors. Exhibit B: Bernie Madoff. Let's hang him by his own shriveled scrotum from the flagpole of his Park Avenue penthouse where he's "serving his sentence." What bullshit. You did a bad thing, Bernie, go to your two story multi-million dollar (bought with someone else's money, of course) room and think about what you did. This is a punishment? Let's get a bunch of the Mexican drug lords and let them gang bang him with their shotguns. All at once. Let's put it on pay-per-view. Stimulate the economy a bit.
Next up (and this actually ties into the execution of clueless billionaires) pro sports team owners who claim that they can't make money with their current collective bargaining agreements.
"If you can't manage a pro team at a modest profit in the United States of America in the early years of the 21st century, you shouldn't be allowed to vote or operate a motor vehicle. You shouldn't be allowed near the stove." -Jeff MacGregor
You essentially have monopolies on pro sports entertainment. The cities in which you have teams pay for your multi-million, possibly billion, dollar stadiums. You charge $14 for a urine-sample-sized cup of beer. You charge $3 for a hot dog that we could go to the supermarket and buy in a pack of ten..for $1.49. You charge more and more for seats where you need binoculars to see what the players look like. And you complain that you're losing money? You are obviously too stupid to own a sports team. Or, you know, have a pet. Don't breed. Dear God, don't reproduce. Your offspring might be so stupid that they pay $100 million for a player who hasn't even stepped on a U.S. hardwood court (lookin at you, Timberwolves). For the love of God, don't look t us to bail your stupid asses out after you sign a player for a ridiculous contract and he blows out a knee before his rookie season even starts ('sup, Portland?). If you want to limit player salaries, here's a solution. OFFER THEM LESS MONEY! If you all do it, then they have to take someone's offer. "But, but, but then whoever is willing to offer them a ton of money will get all the talent." Yeah, how'd that work out for Miami last season. Or Portland in the late 90s? Hmmmm, nope, no rings. It.Doesn't.Matter. Look at the Yankees of the last decade. Number one, they pay their players a lot and they have choked on a lot of pitchers who didn't pan out, but still got their money. Yankees still make a huge profit. And still have seats for $18. Good seats. "I can see what Mariano Rivera looks like from these seats" seats. Most of Major League Baseball turns a profit. Despite having 13-14 starters (8-9 regular starters and a 5 man pitcher rotation). The Yankees pay a lot and get a lot of talent. They are contenders every year. But with all that talent, where are they today? They'll be watching the ALCS tonight...on their TVs...at home. Texas is still in it. Detroit is still in it. And how great is it that Detroit, one of the most economically depressed cities in the country is having a revitalization in its sports teams? Seriously, the Lions are going into tonight's matchup with the Bears with a 4-0 record. When was the last time the Lions were 4-0 in the regular season? Was Clinton in office? Shit, was it BEFORE Clinton? The Tigers are playing for a shot at the World Series. Screw it, I don't care that Detroit just put my beloved Yanks out of contention. Fuckin GO TIGERS. GO LIONS. GO PISTO-oh, right they're locked out because the greedy horsefuckers who run the NBA can't run the NBA. All that aside, how cool would it be for Detroit, of all places, to win the World Series AND the Superbowl? I think I'll order a Verlander Jersey. And a retro Barry Sanders jersey. I'm a Detroit fan now.
Hmm, talking of sports seems to have calmed the ranting beast. That's a nice effect. I feel better now. I think I'll go out and do some skeet shooting. Crap, don't own a gun. Left 4 Dead 2 it is. And then some NCAA on XBox
No comments:
Post a Comment